Those of you who have school children will experience having to deal with your child being hurt at least emotionally by their peers. Whether it's done to your child by accident or not the feelings that your child goes through hurt any parents heart. How do you you calm your child and love away the hurt?
When my children come home sobbing because of something another child has done or not done, I have often felt completely helpless and a little bit angry myself. What should I say or what should I do to calm this wounded little soul. Here is a step by step guide to start the process of healing for your child.
1. Ask Questions:
- What happened? Often it can be a simple misunderstanding that a change of perspective can help.
- What are you feeling? Are they mad or sad? Helping them choose forgiveness and mercy can release some of the feelings toward the other person.
- Why do you think they did or didn't do that? This might show you some of your child's fears or feeling of inadequacy.
- What was your response? What did you do in the situation? Was this a good or a bad choice?
- How do you think you could have made the situation better? If nothing give them some ideas to try so they don't feel the situation is hopeless.
- What can you say or do next time? Make a plan on how to deal with the situation if it happens again. You want to teach your children to be problem solvers. Teach them how to talk things out and to take care of social problems. This will help prepare them for the future.
- Always show care and concern. Being there for the little hurts means they will come to you for advice on the big hurts. Teaching them the steps will help them make independent decisions. I will often take time to pray with them and even help them pray for the other child as well.
2. Sometimes the situation requires more than a few questions, especially when it occurs more often and the same kid keeps making your kid cry. Often it requires making others aware of the situation.
- If it happens at school a letter to the teacher is a good first step.
- Talk to the other child's parent. If you know the other parent this can also help. Most parents will talk to their children about their behavior and apologies will be made. It can also give you more information. This will not always work and sometimes can backfire.
3. My last resort is creating a barrier between my child and the other child.
Whether it be a change in seats on the bus or in the classroom, a sibling escort, or not letting my kid play outside when the other kid is out. Sometimes it will come to this. Hopefully with the separation time the situation can get resolved or even the other kid could outgrow some of the behaviors.
Do you have any advice on how to deal with a hurting child? I would love to hear more about it in the comments section below.