As your children get older they seem to require less of you and start making some of their own decisions. It's a part of preparing them to be Adults. With that comes hurt feelings, distrust, and sometimes out right defiance of the values you have taught them. This post is all about how to fix those issues when they arrive.
This is part 4 of the Series: Being a Better Parent. Read Part 1,2,3,5
One of the hardest things for a person to learn is that they can't actually make another person do what they want. Sure we can try manipulation, shame and tantrums but we are really not suppose to control another person with those tactics. As parents the loss of control over a child is a very hard thing to handle. They are going along and poof they grow a voice of their own with often times a pretty big temper. We in the whiplash are caught off guard and sometimes we say things we really don't mean.
Offer apology and reconcile quickly!
After a dispute we often realize our wrong. If your not wrong how was your tone? Are your demands unreasonable? Could you have said something in a different way that would not have offended? What was your motive? Often times their is more than one thing we have done wrong when an argument happens. If so you need to step up to the plate, lay down your pride and make amends.
Matthew 5:23: "Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.…
As a Christian we are called to leave at peace with everyone.
Sometimes in order to live in peace we have to allow grace to happen. You confront the sin but love the sinner. Sometime people will refuse to stop sinning even when they know it is wrong to continue. You have done all you can to confront the sin but in order to leave at peace you have to stop pointing out the wrong in order to love that person.
Don't be an enabler, allow the natural consequences of sin to happen.
For example: If the person is constantly spending more money than they make don't give money but allow them to eat dinner with you two nights a week. If a child refuses to get home before curfew leave a blanket so they can sleep on the porch. Allow them to learn that their choices has an effect on them and the people around them. When you are administering this type of tough love:
- Always inform them of consequences in advance. This should not be a consequence for a first offence.
- Set reasonable time limits on the help you provide.
- Pray about it and talk to others Christians for advice and establish an accountability partner. You will need one to stick to your consequences sometimes.
Sometimes relationships are irreconcilable but you must make effort before this is determined. You can't just walk away when there is something you can do to mend the relationship. Take the time to talk to the person in a loving and calm manner.
2 Timothy 3:2: For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,…
Hebrews 12:14 Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;
Romans 12:17: Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord.…